The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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