Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
