Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
