like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
