I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
