does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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