I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
