Im at strip club and am horny
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
