I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
