You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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