I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pants are for mortals
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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