I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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