if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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