You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
