how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
