You're completely useless in the revolution.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
