Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
