Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dicks are not precious.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
