it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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