I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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