why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
