Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
