i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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