I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
