i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
