I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
