we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
