why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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