i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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