he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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