She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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