I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
