i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
