hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
