using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
