my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
