Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
