just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
