Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
