my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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