all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
