I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
false alarm, still single
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