I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize