Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
