i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
