I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
