why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
