I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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