We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
