Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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