I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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