we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
