is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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