Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
