no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
