just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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