its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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