did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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