i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
