My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
