I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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