I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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