someone get that fucking seahorse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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