I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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