Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
