Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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