Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
